RAYDEN ENGINEERING REDEFINES EVOLUTION
WORLDWIDE BREAKING NEWS....
Yet another government orchestrated think-
Environmental scientists have made an astonishing discovery which redefines all previous theories of evolution. This startling discovery displaces previous theories that the placocoan member of the invertebrate family was the lowest life form in existence on planet earth.
After months of painstaking research which included sifting meticulously through piles of twisted and rusting scrap metal redundant since last being used on the set of the 1970’s epic blockbuster ‘Earthquake’, the existence of these distinct orange very basic single cell life forms was discovered lurking under the abandoned debris. Scientists have now classified this primitive biological life form with the formal name of SPINELESSCILLIUS.
Astonished and excited scientists from the global forum concluded that the previous invertebrate with no backbone, a failure to learn from their mistakes and a n instinctive behavioural pattern dependent largely on watery habitats, could no longer be officially declared as the lowest life form in existence.
This newly discovered singularly celled species devoid of any form of vertebrate has now been officially classified as the lowest biological entity in existence. Scientists were astounded that the activities of this prolific species had remained undiscovered for so long and concluded that it was only the ability of the bright orange Spinelesscillius to blend in with their rusted metal habitat which had previously prevented their activities or existence from being discovered.
Exclusive scoop by our intrepid investigative reporter SAM SNOOP
Not from Derbyshire Constabulary is he?
No of course not -
When Derbyshire Constabulary has finished delivering free pizzas to hoodies, there is STILL an untaxed car which has sat on Wentworth Street for the past SIX MONTHS. No doubt judging by the dodgy tyres with no MOT or insurance either. We appreciate that it is connected to an employee of Rayden Engineering, but respectfully remind you that your good friend Dastardly Dick does not yet own the public highway this vehicle is illegally parked on.
Will the rest of the residents be afforded the luxury of a six month payment holiday without penalty when their vehicle exercise duty expires? Or will their legitimate vehicles be crushed into matchboxes according to the “We will crush your car” campaign against car tax dodgers?
Yet again -
The newly discovered Spinelesscillius colonising the flood land stolen by Rayden Engineering while seeking to expand their prolific lowly biological presence through colonising other planets in the Universe into watery rusted metal habitats capable of sustaining vast tracts of urban dereliction now their invasion of planet Earth is complete.
First photographic evidence of the distinctive bright orange Spinelesscillius looking dazed to be caught out and discovered in the spotlight of the hidden surveillance camera.
DETECTIVE DICK
“Hey Harry Hoodlum -
HARRY HOODLUM
“Who me???? I only signed the petition to get the police to do something over the rowdies. Hope I don’t get arrested for eating the free pizza, can’t afford Domino’s on me pension!”